The Onion News Network hilariously hypothesizes a world where President Obama has a secret underground facility filled with a stockpile of highly trained “good men” skilled in the arts of noticing new haircuts, foot massages, and vegetable gardening (for creating homemade pasta sauces.) The supply is rumored to include smart men who don’t spend all their time on the Internet.
(We should—reluctantly—emphasize that this is not in any way true.)
Here’s the entire newscast:
Obama Releases 500,000 Men From U.S. Strategic Bachelor Reserve
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